Deryk Michael Peters

The memories of this day nine years ago, today are still so fresh in my mind.  I was making pancakes for Sarah and Megan.  Sarah was in the shower, Megan just getting up.  The town's fire whistle blew and I thought it unusual since the inception of 911, they only used it for extreme cases.  I went to the dining room to turn on Dad's scanner and was in time to hear "the house next to the school"!  Well, Deryk and Cherie's house was on one side of the school so, I headed out the back door to our deck.  I could see your house from there.  As I exited the side door, Mary Dube pulled in the yard and got out of her car, wearing only a night gown and she was crying, "It's Deryk's house, it's Deryk's house!"  I ran back into the house, yelled to the girls to call Dad at work and ran out the door.  Mary stopped me and said, she would give me a ride.  Then she proceeded to pull out of the driveway and drive in the wrong direction!  I couldn't believe it!  She said she would only take me to the fire if, I agreed to NOT get out of the car!  We pulled up to the house and the fire was bad.  Bill had been a fire figher for 12 years and I knew a bad fire when I saw one.  The windows had all blown out and fire was raging out of them!  There was a ladder directly under Deryk and Cherie's bedroom window and I truly, truly believed they had gotten them out.  They were probably in someone's vehicle warming up.  Wayne Dube, (Mary's husband and the fire chief) was standing at the bottom of the ladder and I ran up to him and yelled, "Wayne, where are they!!!!!"  he replied "Kathy, which bedroom do they sleep in???"  I thought he had lost his mind, you see Mary and Wayne were overseeing the house Deryk and Cherie were renting from Mary's brother, who had moved to Florida.  He knew which bedroom they slept in.  I said "Wayne, it's that one!"  His reply to me was "We have already been in that bedroom, they are not in there."  The look on his face was one of hopelessness and I do not remember anything after that until, I was running into my kitchen skidding on my snow covered feet, yelling to the girls to get dressed because, when they find them, we are going to the hospital!  Oh how the mind works to protect itself.  I still do not remember anything that happened between those to circumstances.  I was told, I tried to climb into to the living room window, with flames raging over my head.  It took three firefighters to pull me away from the window and yet, I still remember nothing.  At least, I tried to save my son.  It is a small consequence but, still brings me some small comfort.  There is more of the story.  Cold

Every time I walk past the greeting cards at work my eyes tend to linger over the ones that say "Brother". I watch the people come in and purchase cards for their brothers and know I will never again have the opportunity to do that. I suppose it's kind of silly to be upset about never having to buy you a card again, but I find that I miss a lot of the "small" things about not having you around. All of the missed opportunities... the loss of you has taken many things away from all of us. My son will never have an uncle by blood. I will never hold your children close to me. Kyen will never experience the cousins I'm sure you would have given him... the wisdom of your words... the love of your arms. I miss the way you could laugh and make me feel better... I miss the way you could hug me and make me feel small... I miss your sarcasm, your wit and your charm. I miss you.

Deryk and I had just moved into our new apartment on High St. in Lewiston.  He was around 18 months old.  We had just finished bringing the last of our meager belongings into the apartment and a fly was flying around the kitchen.  Deryk was quite fascinated with bugs at this point in his life.  He was watching the fly with quiet fascination when, it landed on his nose!  Oh to have had a camera in my hands at that moment!  His eyes crossed and his mouth formed into a perfect little oh!  I will always remember that look, even without a formal picture of it.  It remains forever in my memory!

I've been trying to figure out what memories I wanted to share. I miss you so much. There is so much I want to share with you, Deryk.  But I also know you are around me all the time. I remember the first time I met the Cosgrove clan. You all welcomed me and my mom with open arms and hearts. I didn't really know what a family could be. There was so much happiness and love. Auntie Kathy was the first person I connected with. She babysat me while my parents were at work. I loved being around her and baby Deryk. He felt like a little brother to me. We weren't too close after that. I became a teenager and he was much younger at that time. I moved back from Florida in 93 and Deryk came to see me at work. I didn't recognize him at first. He had braids all through his hair (kinda like Coolio). We hung out and reconnected. We moved into a huge apartment in Portland and made friends that are still in my life. He became my bestfriend and had so much fun together. There was many a time we spent disapproving of each others boyfriends/girlfriends. We had stupid fights but always made up and laughed about it after. You see, we loved each other so much and wanted the best for each other. It wasn't until I met Cherie that I was truly happy for Deryk. The last time I saw him, he and Cherie came looking for me but  I was at work. I ran around downtown Portland looking for him at the places I hung out at because I knew he would be looking for me there. I remember walking upstairs at the Bitterend and seeing him. We ran to each other and hugged for so long. It had been a few months since I had seen him and we had had a silly arguement. We just hugged and said we were sorry. We hung out the rest of the night. Cherie spent the whole time talking to me saying it was important to her that we became friends because Deryk and I were so close and she wanted me to like her. It was so easy to like her. I could tell they really loved each other and were kind to each other, which made me so happy for him. He really deserved that kind of love and I'm glad he found it. We hugged and told each other how much we loved each other and I told him how happy I was that he found love with someone so special. He was so happy when I told him that I really liked Cherie. We always wanted the best for each other. That was the last time I saw him. I'm so glad we saw each other and made up from our stupid fight. The day he died was the saddest day of my life. I still get mad and think it's so unfair that we've all gone through so much pain. What I've come to learn is to live life to the fullest and always let my family and friends know how much I love them. There so much love in our family and I feel so blessed to have come into such a wonderful family. If there's one thing I know it's that I'm a Cosgrove through and through. Thank you all for loving me and being my light at my darkest hours. I wish Deryk was here to see who've I've become. I've learned alot since his passing. I learned I could survive such pain, that we all survived and became even closer.  I love you all and I love you Deryk.  All the love and hugs and kisses to you all.

I brought you home from the hospital 32 years ago today.  It was snowing like crazy!  I held you in my arms (no car seats back then) and wondered what the future would hold for the two of us.  I had no idea, what kind of a mother I would be.  I guess, I had a good role model because, I didn't do too bad. 

Right from the start, you were the best baby!  You hardly ever cried.  You slept way more then you were awake.  Come to think of it, that was a trend that would follow you throughout your whole life!  You would look back at me with those serious little blue eyes, it was as if, you were already wise beyond your years.  About six months after your death, I saw a medium, she said that you were a very old soul.  You had gone this route before and probably would again. (Andrew?)  Deryk you taught me so much in those short 23 years.  I will be forever grateful for every single second, I had you in my life.  But, you see, I wanted many, many more.  Greedy huh?